A relationship is more than the sum of its partners. It operates as a system. Each person affects the other in complex ways.

If your partner comes alone, the dynamic between the two of you will change anyway, so your best chance to get what you want is  by participating. Ignoring your partner’s immediate “problem” and your contribution to the overall situation is unlikely to lead to a satisfactory relationship for you.

The need to “fix” one person implies a judgment as to what is correct or proper, and we do not provide that. In fact, very often that sort of judgment itself is at the heart of the relationship problem. Our view is that there can be many ways for couples to get along, and we help negotiate a viable relationship for both of you.

We hold to these principles about couples therapy: (Margolin, 1982)